Greening the Generations: A bigger bail out

BILLY: So, we were on hand for a remarkable, high-level debate of the bail out. Not the financial one. The one having to do with this little ol' place we live.

GREG: The president was there, along with other pols. And representing the planet, a well-educated polar bear named Bob. Here's how it went down ...

BUSH: All right amigos, why is there a polar bear in my office? Check out polar bear article Cheney, if this is your idea of a joke ... I love it! Did I ever tell ya about the time some fellow Yale-ies and me squeezed a two-headed goat into the chancellor's executive wash room?

CHENEY: Sir, the bear has an appointment. We've been putting him off for some time now. He insisted.

BUSH: Oh. Well, what ya need, Frosty?

POLAR BEAR BOB: Sir, it's not just what I need – it's what the planet needs. Help. A lot of it. Or we're facing a catastrophe.

BUSH: Don't sweat it, Chilly Willie. We got the bailout workin'. Gonna have Wall Street up and at'em in no time.

POLAR BEAR BOB: Sir, I'm talking about something bigger than Wall Street. I'm talking about the oceans, the skies, the forests, the people who live here.

BUSH: Decent-sized constituency there. OK, you got my attention. What's the plan, Snow Ball?

POLAR BEAR BOB: A different kind of bail out, sir.

BUSH: Oh, jeez Louise! Ain't one enough? Hold on, let me get Nance on the speaker phone.

CHENEY: Pelosi on the line.

BUSH: Nance? W here. Listen, we're gonna have to go back to the House for another one.

PELOSI: Really, Mr. President, if this is about another of your administration's failed policies ...

BUSH: Can it, Nance. There ain't no TV cameras here. Just a talking polar bear. And he says we need another bail out. Tell her, Fluffy.

POLAR BEAR BOB: Yes, Madam Speaker, I'm proposing a world wide bail out. Of the planet. It would consist in large part of conservation. But it'd have to be serious, and you'd have to work with other countries.

BUSH: Coalition of the willing! My specialty.

PELOSI: I'm all for conservation, as long as it doesn't impact the TV lights, of course. And if there's no major investment involved, I think the House would ...

POLAR BEAR BOB: Oh, we'd have to make investments. Big ones. In new technologies for producing energy. New ways of building communities. Click here for more on the Breakthrough Institute.

PELOSI: New earmarks?

POLAR BEAR BOB: No more earmarks. We'll have to replace politics with real solutions.

BUSH: Ouch! You're a hard bargainer.

POLAR BEAR BOB: We're in a hard spot, sir.

PELOSI: And what, pray tell, do we get out of all this? More golden parachutes?

POLAR BEAR BOB: A parachute for every living thing. Plus, a vibrant new economic sector with millions of new jobs. Click here for job opportunities for the Green economy.

BUSH: Hot diggity! Cheney, tell Johnnie to get ready to suspend his campaign again.

PELOSI: And I'll let Barack know to prepare another knock out speech. He could deliver this one on the moon! Addressing the entire universe! Oh, that would be sooooo him.

POLAR BEAR BOB: Just watch the carbon footprint, Madam Speaker.

BUSH: Paw print in your case, Sasquatch. Ha! Lasso-ed you with a little Texas humor there. Hey, wanna stay for a bison burger?

POLAR BEAR BOB: I have been rather hungry, sir.

BUSH: Yeah, you're lookin' pretty svelte for a bear. What's that all about?