"This life has been a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do."

I mean, life should come with an instruction manual, right? I know your parents get you through the first part, but by now we all know they didn't know that the hell they were doing. They were just winging it, same as us. We're all just stumbling through life. I hope I'm being graded on a curve.

Anyway! I'm back in Raleigh after a two year exile. I work for The Man, but I get paid to do it and that's the point. I only work to pay for the things I actually want to do. Maybe I should want to do less. I like to laugh and that's for free. Unfortunately the things which usually make me laugh are often not for free. Perhaps I should set up a charity for my laughter. Save the laugh! I'm super into politics. It gives me ulcers. I like voting, but was once disinfranchised. I'm politically correct to the point I can barely open my trap anymore. My inner monologue is always going though. I can't imagine a world in which I lived with less of a filter between my brain and my mouth. It's bad enough as it is. I love food. I hate fat. I like my cats, although they are insane. I love my husband, although he's insane. He's very pretty though. I'm keeping track of everything I watch on tv this year because I'm hugging my inner neurotic. I wish I could wear jeans to work, at least on Fridays. I'm getting wrinkles and gray hair. It's weird. It's making me regret the hard stance I've taken on plastic surgery. Thinking one should age gracefully is much easier when one isn't aging at all. People think I'm much friendlier than I really am. I hate clutter and disorganization, yet I'm one of the most cluttered and unorganized people I know. I like making my bed in the morning so it's all yummy when I get in it at night. Making it at night doesn't work the same. I don't like it when people say mean things about each other. Unless it's funny and then it's absolutely ok and even encouraged. I love to be the center of attention unless I'd rather be alone. I miss most people when they leave my life. There's some I wish would go ahead and leave. I want to touch a baby tiger. I have touched a baby bear. I bet dolphins feel really smooth. I'm always amazed and envious of people who have their acts together, but then I wonder if they're just faking it too.

Like I said, I hope I'm being graded on a curve.